“How I Married My Mother” Star Faces Termination

Neil Patrick Harris at the 1st Streamy Awards ...

Star Barney Harras Image via Wikipedia

Comcrust was all a-Twitter when Barney Harras, star of the most recent video ads for Xfigity, revealed that “since I got Xfidgity, my sex life has gone downhill”.

Harras, age 34, as suggested by the name of his most recent how-to/do-it-yourself TV show “How I Married My Mother” is married to his mother Nancy, age 32. Apparently, since the couple got Xfidgity, they’ve been glued to their very large screen TV. Both have been rumored to have experienced weight gain.

In a recent interview, Harras defended his 32-year relationship with his mom. “We’ve been together her entire life”, said Harras, “and I can’t even remember, or imagine, what life was like in the two years before I met her”.

In an interview with Harras’s mom Nancy for “Them!” magazine, she was quoted as saying “some of my friends feel that two years is too much of an age difference… they worry we won’t have enough in common and will have difficulty communicating when we get older”. She continued “… but my good friends all say that love will overcome all obstacles”.

Comcrust defended their service by claiming “Xfidgity has been the cause of many pregnancies”. Presumably, this was due to the boring nature of most Xfidgity content. The company hinted that Harras may be fired as actor-spokesperson for Xfidgity, denying him lucrative opportunities to make more self-aggrandizing television commercials for the cable company.

Starship Troopers (film)

Image via Wikipedia

Harass is perhaps better known for his role in the classic SciFi thriller “Stormship Troopers”, in which he played a psychic military scientist who could read the minds of alien insects, and used this information to develop techniques for torturing and killing them. In his role in that film, he did not get the girl, or his mom; in fact, he didn’t get anything but bug juice and great residuals.

Posted in Uncategorized | 34 Comments

Counterfeit Truck Menace

Counterfeit Truck

Counterfeit Truck Menace

There’s a new evil lurking in our neighborhoods. Thousands of counterfeit Xfidgity and Comcrust trucks have been spotted across the nation. To the casual observer, these trucks have all the appearances of the real thing. But on close inspection, “Xfidgity” is mispelled and in a different font than the bonafide Xfidgity logo. In the case of Comcrust, the blue graphic device encircling the “C” in Comcrust is red, not blue.

Police have been notified, and have asked concerned citizens to post their sightings and phonecam images to this blog so the perpetrators of this fraud can be quickly and harshly dealt with.


Posted in Crime and Punishment | 8 Comments